I've been tagged....

.......but need a moment to think. It could be awhile, lol! Nah, just kidding. I'll be back later to fulfill my obligation. :):)

Sunday Funnies

International symbol of marriage is Approved
New York -AP- On Oct.27, 2005
After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission on Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:

Ten years ago today....

....I said "I do" to this man!

After living with him for 15 years, in three states and 5 cities, as well as owning two homes and having two amazing children, I would do it all again.

Happy Anniversary!!

My husband CRAP!

While spinning around the house with my favorite partner, my bagless (mostly because he lets me lead) I make a discovery. Not that it's a new one by any means, it just occurred to me today. Not only do I have to pick up the destruction that is left in the wake of my offspring before I vacuum, I have to also follow behind honey.

He has so much crap strewn around this house, I just can't take it. Besides which, these things don't even belong in here. Below, please take notice of exhibits A-D. I will ask the jury to remember that we have just put on a "mudroom" with ample space for all of the items pictured. Thank you!

Exhibit A

Here, we have a compound bow that is ever so nicely leaning against the wall in my oh so feminine bedroom. I swear, not only is it ugly, it looks like a contraption that could be used in some S&M activity. Hm, only if it were so!

Exhibit B

Next, we have a pair of hunting boots and two rod and reels, neatly tucked between a armoire and the wall. Right where it belongs, in the sitting room off the kitchen. I have to admire the fact that he has two sporting activities right there in ONE place, and one is already baited with a worm. (rubber of course) Genius!

Exhibit C

Here, in my dining room you will find hunting clothes. I know, once again perfectly placed right where they belong, wedged between the china cabinet and wall. He was very careful to place them in large zip lock bags as to NOT get any people scent on them. Please! What I really want to do is, take a weeks worth of dirty socks and underwear and jam them in the bag. So, the next time he gets decked out, to go into the woods and sit there like a FREAK in the freezing cold, he'll smell like rotten feet. (that will teach him to leave his stuff within my reach)

Exhibit D

Lastly and my personal favorite, the chargers for the batteries of his cordless tools. These are on display and can be viewed in the corner of my kitchen, on the floor. (I guess it could be worse, they could be on display in the bedroom. Wow, what would that say?) OK, first not only are they very annoying to have IN the kitchen, he hasn't been doing any screwing with those things lately. I myself would much rather be dealing with the tools that take a couple of "D" batteries, lol!

To top it all off, honey has grown his boy parts big enough to have the nerve to say something to me about a pair of misplaced sneakers. Please! Next time he may not only have to be dodging a flying sneaker, he will also be scavenging his things off the front lawn. If people happen to stop, thinking is a yard sale, woo-hoo! Just name your price and it's yours.

"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots."

- Hoosier Farmer

Things I see

An insane day that was monumentally busy. Surprisingly enough, my brain shut off about 45 minutes ago. So why am I still functioning? I DO NOT know!

I started wondering through some pictures and thought I'd share some of the things I see....Enjoy!

Sky Flame

Lavender Sunset

Flying Rainbow

Unfolding

Silhouette

Lily Quartet

Neon

Sitting Pretty

Thanks for hopping by!

"A photograph is usually looked at - seldom looked into."

- Ansel Adams

There has GOT to be a better way!

The great campers have survived, whew! Thank the might One himself it was a ONE night stay over. I couldn't hold it any longer, lol!

Michael had a fabulous time. He was into everything there and available to him and did most of it more than once. We have made some really nice friends among our little den and our pack, so the time spent was extremely enjoyable for honey and I as well. Then there were those who should have stayed home. The outing was in a boy scout reservation area that is located on a spread covering nearly 3000 acres. Very spacious. Very beautiful.

The retreat was held in a relatively small vacant field on that acreage, and with 1500 or so happy and some not so happy campers the lot became even smaller. We were all very cozy. It looked like a modern day Woodstock, with small fires burning everywhere, screaming, laughing, and people galore. Our site was located near one of the few water tanks which was great and one of the even fewer Porta Johns which was NOT great. With the smell and the slamming of the door it was actually horrific.

I'm not at all skeeved (grossed out) by to many things but I have to tell you it was one of the most disgusting things I have ever witnessed, EVER! Me and my family used our trusty funnel. (the hidden passenger) Honey was able to actually leave the reservation briefly with a friend and I'm thankful he was because he is just a poopin' machine. I don't get it. It's in and out in a matter of moments. I'm not at all sure how he gets any nutrients from anything. Because we were there for only 30 hours, Michael and I lucked out and the funnel is all that we required. I did however, darken the door of the dump house to discard what was in my funnel. Only to find a MOUNTAIN of crap, I mean Everest peaks where emerging from the nasty depths. The entire floor was puddled with what I can only assume was #1. Not only was it on the floor but on the seat, the box the seat is mounted on and the walls. What were people doing in there, WHAT? I emptied my funnel, but not before I got an eye full of what the members of the neighboring site had for dinner. I swear, I wanted to run all the way home just to take a shower. I had to settle for massive amounts of hand sanitizer and washing the bottoms of my shoes. Needless to say any further funnel dumping was done else where. The most disturbing thing about all this, is that people were letting their little kids, boys and girls go into that horrible box of disease ALONE! What were they thinking? I wouldn't let my son in there if there was a gun to my head. He would have been crappin' in the woods, a bag, my shoe even, but he wasn't going in there. I myself would have filled my pants and said that I had some sorta of medical condition causing my to have no control, before I went in there.

Why in this day and age can they not make something like on airplanes? A holding tank of some kind where it all goes and is away from the public. I just don't understand it. There has got to be a better way for the masses to have movements. There has just GOT to be.



"Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet"

- Anonymous

Whose dream is it anyway?

The life's dream, whose is it? I mean, is it mine? Is it his? Is it yours or theirs? Exactly who gets to live the dream? Who gets to say? Or, is it that the decisions that are made, become the dream? I know, an awful lot of questions. Still, I want to know.

For as long as I can remember, what I'm doing is all I ever wanted to do. Have a husband, kids, home, all the simple things and all for me to care for. Not really stepping out there but still, for me very fulfilling. After reading a post of a friend it made me think. Is it the spouses, in my case my husbands dream to bust his hump every single day to provide for his family? I didn't say responsibility, I said dream. Of course it's his responsibility. I mean these people, lets call them the providers, are they living their dream? I just wonder. Most every provider I know works insane hours, takes time away from friends and family and for the most part not in love with what they do. Not much of a dream if you ask me. Sounds a little nightmarish. Did the provider get sucked into their partners dream? Not that there wasn't a choice that was made on their part of course. Or is the provider living their dream and the spouse that is just the housewife or not in a career that is as fulfilling financially, sucked into theirs? I just don't know.

Regardless, of what side of the partnership you are on, we all have a responsibility to our partners. I'm sure there are dreams out there greater than the one you and/or your spouse is living at the moment. I truly believe that everyone will have their turn to be the lead performer in their dream, in time. Until then, we should encourage, support, talk about and believe in them just to keep the dream alive, no matter what it is. Life's book is filled with many pages of give and take. If you are the taker in this chapter, be sure the thank the giver regularly and let them know how much you appreciate all that they do. Ensure them that they too will have the opportunity to be the taker. It's only fair.

Sunday Funnies

Deathbed

Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep Shhh! Don't talk." But he was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor." Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

The best thing I've heard all day

After a day of laundry, super market shopping, volunteering at the school, dinner and packing for a boy scout family over night outing, I was ready for the afternoon to end. I welcomed the setting of the sun and the closing of the shades on one more day.

Sadly enough however, just because the night has set in doesn't mean the day is over by any means. I still had plenty to do and to top it off I lock horns with honey, ugh! Nothing to eventful, we just didn't see eye to eye. Mostly because his eye was closed, the freak.

The kids are in bed and I go do my "tuck ins." Mina was exhausted and just about ready to slip into la-la land, but Michael, well as usual he was still wide awake. Although I knew he too was exhausted he just wanted to talk about his day and anything else that popped into his head. Before I left his room he requested my company, just until he fell asleep. I explained that I had a few more things to do, then I would take a quick shower and come back a check on him. That is just what I did. Immediately after my shower I tip-toed back into his room, lean down to kiss him and laid my cheek on his. He reaches up, places his hand on my face, and in a voice full of sleep and so sweet that it made me cry he said "oh mommy, you smell so pretty." He never said another word, he was fast asleep. Perfect way to end the day.

Sweet Dreams

"Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep."

- R. F Gumperson

Why the one ply wipe?

I have a bit of a rant today but it will be short and sweet.

Could someone please inform me as to WHY there is one ply toilet paper even MADE. I can't believe that it is stocked on the shelves in every type store AND that people actually by it. It's bad enough that it can be found in every public restroom nationwide. If I wanted to dry the jewel or wipe my coolie with something that felt like a dried leaf, or worse yet, my bare hand (because it's ridiculously thin) I would have taken care of business OUTSIDE.

For the tree huggers. I'm aware of the recycling situation and am all for saving the trees. However, not a that expense of some very special body parts.

So. If you plan to have me over for any length of time and think I may need to visit your powder room, I beg you please, have something in there with a little cush.

Thank you in advance for you understanding.


"My aunt in Knoxville would bring newspapers up, which we used for toilet paper. Before we used it, we'd look at the pictures."

-Dolly Parton

You Can't Lose Me

I'm not a giant country music fan, but. I do recall seeing/hearing this song by Faith Hill on CMT years ago and thinking, "what a beautiful song about a Mother and daughter." Now that I have a daughter of my own, the meaning has become personal. I now know the lyrics of this song is precisely how I feel about my little girl. It also describes the type of relationship I'm striving to cultivate with her, as she slowly, in time, becomes a woman.

You Can't Lose Me

A little girl, a little small for her age

A little too slow for the field day race

Momma's waiting at the finish line

And wipes the teardrops from her eyes

She says, You did just fine honey, that's okay

Sometimes life's just that way

You're gonna lose the race from time to time

But you're always gonna find"

You can't lose me

Bet your life

I am here and I will always be

Just a wish away

Wherever you go

No matter how far

My love is where you are

You won't be lost if you believe

You can't lose me

Momma use to say Girl it won't be long

Til it's time to go out on your own

Chase your dreams find your place in life

I know you'll do just fine

When that day finally came

There were things she needed to but could not say

So I whispered softly as I wiped

The tears from Momma's eyes

You can't lose me

Bet your life

I am here and I will always be

Just a wish away

Wherever I go

No matter how far

My love is where you are

You won't be lost if you believe

You can't lose me

"A mother's treasure is her daughter."

-Catherine Pulsifer

Sending a woman, to do a mans job

I'm headed for the construction site and I'm completely uninformed. I have no idea why I'm there OR what I should be asking. Still, I'm there.

See, we have cleared a little bit of the wooded area around our house and would very much like to plant grass. This will give us a tremendous yard. (just what we need, more to mow. That is another blog) Before we are able to do this, we need some fill dirt and top soil brought in. This is where I come in. Apparently, land clearing and excavating is my forte'. Honey tells me to go and see what's up with all the dirt that is there on this construction site. Reluctantly, I agree but know exactly what is going to happen.

This is how it went:

I go to a construction trailer to find out what, where, who and how. I'm walked outside, then pointed in the direction I must go. Back in the truck and I'm off through this maze of madness.
I flag down a truck driver (put my shirt back on) and proceed to question.


Me: How can I get you guys to bring some of that stuff to my house?

Guy #1: Hang on just a minute. (he gets on the radio and guy #2 shows up)

Me: I need some of that dirt brought to my house. How can I make that happen?

Guy #2: What do you need, top soil or fill dirt?

Me: Don't know.

Guy #2: How much of it are you going to need?

Me: Don't know.

I explain the best I can, what I think we need. Guy #2 listens kindly then directs me to yet another trailer. This time, it's a trailer but nobody is there. Wait. I hear voices. I get closer to where they were coming from and suddenly felt nervous. Apparently, she was having some family/marital problems and was venting to the boss man. I'm outside the door thinking, Man, I shouldn't be hearing all this. I have to let them know I'm out here, CRAP! I wanted to scream, shut up in there, I'm right outside your door. I don't do that, instead I decide to knock on the door. (I'm already inside the freakin' trailer and I'm knocking on the door!) Yes, the exterior door because I didn't want them to know that I was inside and heard what they were saying. No answer but they did get quiet. I knocked again only harder, and pretended that I was just walking IN. Finanlly. Boss man cracks the door, I make my inquiry and he sending me to, yes, another trailer. Freak. So, I try again, and like they say, the third time is a charm. I'm there!

Now, I'm talking to some chick who shouldn't be there. Anyway I speak to her:

Me: I'm here to see about getting some dirt delivered to my house. Can you help me?

Chick: Ah, yeah. What do you need?

Me: Don't know.

Chick: How much do you need? Do you know?

Me: NO! (rolling my eyes)

Chick: Are you in the city limits?

Me: No. (I did know that one)

She takes our name and number, then tells me someone will be getting back to us. (yeah right!)
Crap, now I have to call honey with the wealth of information that I DIDN'T collect. So, here goes:

Me: Hey honey.

Honey: Hey babe, what did they say?

Me: They said they have dirt.

Honey: LOL! How much do they want for it?

Me: Don't know.

Honey: What do you mean you don't know?

Me: Just what I said, I DON'T KNOW! I don't even know WHAT we need or HOW much. (my voice becoming elevated)

Honey: Well, can we get it there?

Me: I guess. They took your name and number and said they will be calling you.

Honey: Ok, that's all they said?

Me: Well, yeah! That's all they said, NOTHING! (except for Missy, she thinks her husband is a scumbag)

Honey: Alright, love you bye!

Me: K, love you bye!

Now, not only did I waste my entire afternoon. I was also shone in a light of complete and utter ignorance, WHY? Me. I, go down there and talk about something I know nothing about. I try to gather information but have no idea what questions I should be asking. Then when I'm asked something I have to say "I don't know." But because I'm such a dutiful wife, I do it, and I do it with a smile. (on the inside I'm cussin' a blue streak)

Next time I will demand a Q&A form be filled out and signed. If honey can't see his way clear to do that then, "Do it your dang self!"


"Man is made for something better than disturbing dirt."

-Oscar Wilde

A husband was heard saying...

Just for the record, it wasn't mine. However, he is NOT at all beyond spewing such genius, but this time he is in the clear. This oh so sensitive hubby states:

Because my job is so much harder, I spend a lot of hours doing it and I make the most money, I am entitled to free time. I shouldn't have to watch the kids. I need my own time.

So, now where do I start? Someone help me. I need help. WHERE do I begin? My response was WHAT? At that very moment, it was all I could muster. Because my husband has spent his fair share of time donning the sign that says "shhh, genius at work"I am somewhat familiar with these moronic statements. When I hear things like this, I expect to look outside and see Fred and Wilma Flintstone as my neighbors.

I say: When he ejects a 5-9 pound anything from any orifice of his body, he might be close to being able to open his mouth. AND I don't care which hole he picks. It could be the nose, coolie anywhere, because it won't be any harder than where our 9 pounders come from. Not only does he have to do that, he will NEVER be able to sleep again. Never, will he be able to close his eyes and fall into the near death coma, he calls sleep. Not without concerning himself that he may not hear the thing that has permanently disfigured his body. He will also, no longer have 8-10 hour work days. I know, because the last time I put my kids in the closet at the end of my 8 hour shift, the child protective services frowned on that. They let me off with a slap on the wrist, and made me promise to not do it again. There are NO ends to the work day OR week. You are on the clock every single second. All of that on top of having to care for the house, your spouse, budgeting and anything else that involves the family. The thing that I know HE will love best, is it will all be done for FREE! That's right, free. Nobody will be scribing out a check at the end of the week that has his name on it. His services will be on the house.

So. Could you please tell me what in the name of all that is right, is this idiot talking about? He needs free time because he works so much, at a job that is so hard. Fella's you have NO idea what hard work IS!!


"For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, "This is me. I'm not proud of it -- in fact, I'm a little embarrassed by it -- but this is who I am."

-Bill Hybels quotes

Hair

I know, I have some serious hair issues. If you have read any of my posts gone by, you would agree. I'm not exactly sure why that is, but I do want to know this. Why is it that the hair we don't want, takes heart stopping pain to remove, and the hair we would like to keep, practically leaps out of our head.

Cleaning the bathrooms for instance. I don't know whether to ask honey for the lawn mower or weed whacker. I mean, there is enough hair on the floor, that if gathered carefully could weave a small throw. And DO NOT skip a week. The kids will be running for their young lives from the hairy beast that is now living in the corner, behind the door. The hair brushes. OMM! I have not paid close enough attention on occasion and had to just throw them out. They were beyond help. There was no way I was pulling that matted mess of hair from their jaws.

If the hair that is found in all the places in my house other than our heads, we should ALL be bald. (honey doesn't count, he is already there) I personally, have enough hair to supply two and a half more heads, but I'm afraid at this rate things could get ugly.


"The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake."

- Steve Allen

Sunday Funnies

Two Parts Left

God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over andcouldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thoughtHe might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow theowner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them,"and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'dlove to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a manshould have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!"On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told Godthat if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam wasso excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the sideof a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see ifhe could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while.God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, Iguess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.""What's it called?" asked Eve."Brains," said God.

Hot waxed

Ok, it wasn't hot, but I was waxed. Dang, dang, DANG and it hurt. What is it with adhering a strip of paper to your face with super glue and then RIPPING it off? OUCH!!! Yesterday was my first waxing experience, and I'll have you know that the great pain was administered by my best friend, Salena.

I'm sitting at the computer minding my own business when Salena says, "come on, lets wax your lip." No way was my first response, but then gave in. Why, I ask you, WHY?? I will be the first to admit that I'm a little on the hairy side. I mean, I don't look like a wolf man or Elvis with the sideburns, but I do have my fair share. I'm thankful that the most of it is blond. Really, my face is fuzzy not hairy, I look like a peach. Yes that's it, a peach with eyes, some ears and a little extra on top.

I agree, and Salena warms up the strips. I knew it was going to hurt, but I should have realized just how much when I saw her all excited about doing it. She looked and was acting like Dr. Jekyll in her preparation and application. Me being the trusting soul I am, I let her continue. She presses the strip to my fuzzy lip and says "are you ready?" Oh crap, I guess, was my answer. She grabs the strip, holds my face and rips what feels like the first three layers of skin from my lip. I swear, I thought she took my entire lip, never mind the hair. I fully expected that when I looked in the mirror I would see my teeth, and I wasn't smiling.

Now, I had to do the other side. Yikes! I suggested that we just leave it, but I knew that wasn't happening. She said "what, you want to look like Victor/Victoria?" Yeah. Sure. Why not? I just don't want to do THAT again. "Quit being such a puss and come on, we have to do it." This is what she said and reluctantly, I agreed. Ugh!

All done and smooth as a baby's coolie. Was is it worth it? I guess. Will I do it again? Who knows? It's either that or look like this. Only without the cigar.

Groucho Marx

"I had beautiful wavy hair and a waxed mustache."

- Curly Howard

Only while supplies last!

Finally, a remote I can relate to and even get to use. (this one is mine, ALL mine) I'm sure the demand will VERY soon out weigh the supply, do to the marvelous functions that can be found on this little beauty. I personally have two on order. I must have a back up, I MUST! I will also be having three cases of batteries delivered with them.

I suggest you guys get them while you can. Remember, "available ONLY while supplies last." :)

"Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things"

-Robert A. Heinlein

Text Me

There are so many different ways of communicating these days. The cell phone is one of my favorites. The ability to talk to anyone, at any time, no matter where I am, LOVE it. Text messaging is something else I love doing. Hmm, it seems as though I'm having a love affair with the cell phones for the past week or so. Who can blame me? With these handy little things the possibilities are endless, lol.

Listed below are some of the text's I've gotten in the last couple of weeks. Just for fun!

My IN box:


Do you want to go to the movies with us? Honey said he would watch the kids.

Bring home food, lol!

Where the hell are you???

I know people are pigs. I've been telling you this FOREVER

I'm too stuffed up, I can't breathe

What do you mean maybe?

Don't look for us either. We will be hard to find.

Where are U?

Honey wants ice cream!

Whatz up?

You are a dork

Is it ok if Eddie is here for the weekend?

Why doesn't the volume on your computer work?

And I took pictures. Mina is a GODDESS.

The princess is sleeping.

It is 645 and we just arrived at Shooters

Where are you?

Good luck

Good, busy week. How R U?

Not pissed at ALL. Just have to get ready to check out of the hotel but you didn't give me a chance to say that! You were like 'ok bye'

Thanks

Still sleeping. I'll call you back. Is it important?

Where arrrreeeeeeeeee YOU??

When are you coming home?

They left another nasty post :(

OK, I lost you. Talk to you later.

Where are you?

Love you honey!

Two things. 1 I can't figure out what is in those pictures you sent. 2 please find out when Lynn's birthday is.

As opposed to aging moronically?

Where did you go?

Don't cut that hair! I will be there soon!

I am alive. Just in BC. Most places have no phone service and NO internet! Argh. I miss you SO much. I need to get back to AMERICA!!


"Where are you?" appears to be THE question. Sadly, my answer to that most of the time is "I don't know." :)



"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously."

-Hubert H. Humphrey

The cats out of the bag, the boob TOO!

The photo has been found. Oh my man. The funny thing is that I just found out, after all day. I was in the kids room reading a bedtime story, when in walks honey. Of all times, THIS is when he wants to discuss it. Very quietly he leans over and whispers, "honey, I was showing some pictures today on my phone and there was a boob on it." He said it so meekly, like he was scared to death. He had no idea what was going on and seemed unsure to tell me. Instinctively, I wanted to tell him that I knew nothing about it. I just counldn't though, I thought he might have a stroke right there in front of the kids. This causing a whole other trauma. I burst into laughter, he shakes his head and walks out. Immediately he knew it was I, his lunatic wife.

Story time is NOW over and I head into the kitchen, still hysterical. His look was like "what in the hell is wrong with you?" I just couldn't contain myself. I asked him what exactly happen, who found it and how? It seemed, honey was busy on an installation but also had a builder with him. He is actually buddies with Brett and I myself have met him several times. He was very interested in the job and asked to see a picture that he knew honey had. My uninformed husband tossed his phone to him saying "here, look at this." LOL!! Yes, that is just what he did.

Flipping through the photo's he finds it, about three photos in. My boob! I must say, some pretty good photography. It looked HUGE on the phone screen, when in fact it's NOT. Brett, cleared his throat and calls honey off the ladder saying, "I think you better come look at this, I'm not sure I should go any further with these pictures." Honey couldn't imagine what he saw that he needed him to come and see for himself. He gets there and is shocked at the picture. He fumbled around for some reasonable explanation but just could find one. He said "man, I don't know, I must have left it somewhere." (yeah, where the local strip bar?) I know he was thinking "man, that wife of mine, I'm going to SO nail her." Brett laughed and said that he wanted to hang out where honey leaves his phone. Well come on over, you are welcome in my kitchen anytime, lol!

What fun. Honey truly thought it was funny and we all had a great laugh. I'm quiet sure my boob will be carried around in that phone like a trophy for some time. I may have to give him a refresher before long, lol.

Gosh, I LOVE that man!!


"How idiotic civilization is! Why be given a body if you have to keep it shut up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?"

~Katherine Mansfield

My list of guilt

I am taking the easy way out today. My brain is nonfunctional so I've robbed a fellow blogger of this list. Enjoy!

Bold all those that you ever were guilty of doing. When you are done, add one thing that is true about yourself to the end, then post the list to your blog.


I’ve run away from home.
I listen to political music.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I’m sad.
I open up to others easily. (yeah, and I've gotten nailed for it too)
I am keeping a secret from the world. (and I'll never tell)
I watch the news. (I'm not sure why)
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an ipod. (no, I still listen to 8 tracks, lol)
I own something from Hot Topic.
I love Disney movies.
I am a sucker for hair/eyes.
I don’t kill bugs. (I kill anything that crawls)
I have “x”s in my screen name.
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a real conversation.
I love Spam.
I bake well.
I would wear pajamas to school/work. And I probably have too. (I'm very fashionable)
I own something from Abercrombie.
I have a job. (two kids and a husband, I want a raise)
I love Martha Stewart.
I am in love with someone. (of course I am)
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I am self conscious. (no, but I think sometimes I'm unconscious)
I like to laugh. (I LOVE to laugh)
I smoke a pack a day.
I loved Go Ask Alice.
I have cough drops when I’m not sick. (retarded, I know)
I can’t swallow pills.
I quit smoking.
I have many scars. (I was a tomboy)
I’ve been out of this country. ( and was happy to get back)
I believe in ghosts.
I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love chocolate.
I bite my nails. (no, I've been known to bite my kids though)
I am comfortable with being me. ( except when my pants are to tight)
I play computer games/video games when I’m bored. ( no, I'm a bloggist, lol))
Gotten lost in the city. (I've gotten lost in the mall)
Saw a shooting star. (and several shooting moons)
I have had 2 serious surgical procedures.
I have kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger.
Been in a fist fight with the same sex. (I was very young. The girl is now my sister in law)
Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.(soda is painful, man)
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
Made out in an elevator.
Sworn at my parents.
Kicked a guy where it hurts.
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping.
Broken a bone.
Played spin the bottle.
Gotten stitches. (yeah, I wasn't quite big enough. Jugheads!)
Bitten someone.
Been to Niagara Falls.
Gotten the chicken pox.
Crashed into a car. (then lied about it)
Been to Asia.
Ridden in a taxi.
Shoplifted.
Been fired. (it wasn't my fault, I swear)
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans. (never saw so many FREAKS in one place)
Been to Europe.
Slept with a co-worker.
Been married.
Gotten divorced.
Saw someone dying.
Driven over 400 miles in one day.
Been to Canada.
Been on a plane.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Thrown up in a bar. (man, I've been close)
Eaten Sushi. (YACK)
Been snowboarding.
Been skiing. (with hot ski instructors)
Been ice skating.
Met someone in person from the internet.
Been to a car show.
Gone to college. (does a 1/2 a semester count?)
Done hard drugs. (no, but some light ones, lol)
Taken painkillers. (I thought I was in a Disney movie)
Met a celebrity.
I like playing practical jokes.
Seen all nine seasons of the X-Files.
Once swore Disco would never die.
Seen a ghost.
Attended a professional sporting event.
Attended a live rock concert.
Stayed up all night. (for the good and bad)
Lied about my name.
Thrown something at a spouse ( and I got him)
After a night out, have gone straight to work without going home. (some very long days)


"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

-Rita Rudner.

My newest BIG secret

Psssst. You want to know my big secret? My honey recently got a phone that has the camera option. (very cool) Well, I took an "X" rated picture of myself, minus my head of course. The thing is, he doesn't know. LOL!! He uses his camera very often on the job, to take pictures of projects he's finished. Then uses them to sell other potential jobs.

Man oh man. He is going to come unglued when he runs across that shot. I can hear him now, "and this one I just finished last week. It's in the neighborhood of $40,000.00, installed." Haaaaa, imagine and it's ME. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when that happens.

Just don't let the cat out of the bag, ok? No pun intended, lol!

Sunday Funnies

Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain.

The second lady looks at that and says, "That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?" "It's a condom," The first lady replies. "Well, where can you buy those?" the second lady asks."Um... Most people buy them at pharmacies." the first lady replies.

So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. "Do you guys sell those condom things?" she asks the pharmacist. "Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused, "Do you know what size you need?"So the lady says, "Well it's got to fit a Camel."

The feather

I arrive at the school just in time to get my sweet little Mina. Only today, not so sweet. There was something wrong, terribly wrong. I meet her on the sidewalk just outside the building, and asked her how her day was. That was it. She bursts into tears. Tears is an understatement, it was absolute hysteria. So much so that I had no idea what she was saying. (and I have been translating for these kids for years now)

I tried comforting her right there on the sidewalk, but it wasn't working. My Motherly magic was failing me and I was getting nervous. Finally, I hear "she has my feather." So now, I have words but not the first clue what she was talking about. "What feather?" "Mommy, I found a feather on the playground and Amber took it." I asked her plainly, "did she just take it away from you?" It turns out, Mina was showing her friend the feather and she decided to keep it as her own. (man, a coffee cup flashback) Well Mina was beside herself. I tried to explain that perhaps Amber didn't have any feathers to find at her house. ( like she lived on Mars or something) I also reminded her of all the ones she found over the summer. That had absolutely no impact either. Mina looked at me like "woman, are you NOT hearing what I'm saying to you?" Obviously she wanted THAT feather and no other.

Now, in the car she was a bit side tracked with Salena. Thank goodness. We were off to have fun for the rest of the afternoon. I think the whole feather thing is behind us, but I was wrong. How incredibly foolish of me. Really, what was I thinking? From the back seat Mina makes the announcement that she no longer knows Amber. That she made it very clear to her that she could expect to no longer have any help on the swings. Along with leaving her friend that she no longer knew to fend for herself on the swings, she told us that her hair was in an ugly looking bun.(she then admitted that her hair was actually down) Man, she was raggin' on the chicks hair. What is THAT? To top the whole thing off she says "Mommy, you know that feathers die, Amber's feather is going to DIIIEEEEE!!!!" (I think she was thinking they were like flowers) The tone in her voice was incredible, like she had a forked tongue. I had to laugh. Although, not out loud of course because I was getting ready scold her. It was so unlike her to be so "not nice" that I found it a bit humorous. I did explain that, although it didn't seem fair her feather wasn't returned, it wasn't nice to speak that way about someone. She agreed. However, I do see that in the future I'm going to have to keep her little fangs filed.

How did she now to cut on the little girls hair? Are we born knowing that the hair is the point of attack/target for any girl? Boys use their hands and girls use their mouths. I suppose that is just the law of the jungle.


"The world is a playground, and life is pushing my swing"

-Natalie Kocsis

4 out of 5 Dentists recommend.....

A post from the past. This week is quickly turning into make fun of my kids week. What fun. They are such easy and unexpecting targets. Besides that, they have the best time laughing at themselves and everyone else. I just couldn't pass up diplaying these little buck toothed varments, one more time.

TRIDENT!!!

Do you think THIS could be why??

I'm just wondering what is the 5th dentist THINKING?!?

She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth."

-Benjamin Franklin

The unexpected

I was surfing the net when I came across this picture. I was utterly shocked to see my daughter on a celebrity web site. What was she doing there? Better yet, how did she get there? After staring at the photo for what seemed like hours, I then realized. That is not Mina at all, and I began to relax. It was only Phyllis.

Phyllis Diller

This in fact is my Mina. Do you see my confusion?

Mina

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. -Author Unknown

Stage Whispers

That noise, what is it? Who's talking? Oh my word, my little balls of sunshine are awake and ready to start the day. Unfortuneately, none of the adults in the house are. For the past two nights I have gone to bed at the most ridiculous hours. Last night it was 3:45a and the night before that, it was 3:00a, insane I know. I pry my eye (yes, my one eye, that is all I could muster) open to see the time but still wasn't ready to get out of bed.

Since the east wing of the house is under construction my guest, Salena has been staying in the den on the pull out sofa. So where do the balls of sunshine decide to play? LOL yes, that would be correct, under the sofa bed right underneath her head. I hear them talking but have no idea what they are saying. I don't know how I couldn't have, they were whispering so loud they may as well have been talking. Salena turned out to be awake and this is what she heard. "No. You do it. No you do it. No I'm not, YOU." She felt like something was in her hair, she sits up and reaches for the top of her head. There was a huge hair clip attached to he ponytail. The kids burst into laughter and scurried from under the bed. In a stage whisper of her own, she demanded the kids take what they were doing and go to one of their rooms. Knowing that their young little lives depended on it, they did as they were told and did it fast. The adults got to roll over one more time.

I hear their feet blazing down the hall and try to guess where they are going. Oh man, it mine and honey's room this time. Quickly, I close my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping. Like that really matters. Good, in the bathroom they go, whew that was close.

OK, I sometimes assist in the coolie wiping department, so I wasn't surprised to overhear what I did. Again in the stage whisper, "Tyler go ask Mommy. No you. No I'm not, YOU." Then out comes Mina, "Mommy...." Already knowing what she was going to ask I say "No, Michael you do it yourself this morning." I cut her off mid-sentence. You have got to be kidding me. Get out of a cozy warm bed to do THAT, I'm NOT! Apparently all went well, I heard the flush and water running for the wash and out they ran.

Early mornings are not on my list of favorites, but if I had to been wakened what a great way to do it. With the stage whispers of my sweet little ones and their carrying on.



"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

-Phyllis Diller

Sunday Funnies

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives theimpression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription forViagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemnedbuilding.

12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? WhatWill? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

13 Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way!!!!

Tagged!!

I got tagged by I Am Norman. Woo-hoo let's PLAY!

The rules are as follows:

1. Go into your achieves.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

My sentence was:

Of course I agree now, but then?

Apparently I am very accommodating, ya think?

The weekend is here and my best friend ever Salena has blown, well rolled into town. On her 18 wheeled chariot escorted by the ever lovable but mostly annoying Eddie. You know what that mean? Yup, that right. It's back in the attic for the kids and as for honey I'll have him bound and gagged in the garage.

It's girl time. Time to stay up late. Laughing, talking, eating late night snacks and yes watching "Friend's" I don't know what it is but when she's here there is very little sleep to be found. To tell you the truth though I'm never really looking for it.

So, I'm off now to the kitchen for one of our late night snacks. I feel a late night coming on.

I'm tagging:

Walking in the Rain

Texas (N/K/A Wisconsin) Ducks

Twisted Cinderella

Luann's Bigtop

Sheets & Blanks

Have fun!!!

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend."

- by John Leonard