Thursday, April 27, 2006

A little extra

Health and beauty aisle is the last stop on my shopping excursion with Mina. This is her favorite place to be in the supermarket. With all the lip color, nail color, hair products, even at five years old, she is in heaven. Unfortunate for her, we are not there for those items, we are there to pick up some feminine products for yours truly.

I get what I need, then toss in the last item. The little pink package that said Panty Liners, then it started.....

Mina: "Mommy, what are aids?"

Me: "Um, well....yeah, I guess you could call them that."
Of course we are standing among at least three other shoppers.

Mina: "Gosh, why are they so BIG?"

Me: "Well, Mommy uses them just in case I need a little extra, ya know?"
Now, I'm convinced these other women are no longer worried about the lip color they were going to buy. They are waiting to see me sweat my way out of this.

Mina: "Extra what? You mean if you fall down and bleed a LOT?"

Me: "Ah, very long pause Um, yeah, in case I fall down and bleed a lot. I don't even have to fall down."

Mina: "REALLY?!"

Me: "Really! Hey Mina, look, they have Barbie tooth paste, cool huh?"

Mina: "Yeah, that is awesome. Mommy, can I get some?"

Me: "Oh bet!"

Now the next thing I'm waiting for, is for her to take a spill on her bike, scrape her knee and come out of the bathroom with a panty liner taped to her boo-boo and telling me she needed a little extra.

You can't put a Band-Aid on every boo-boo you've made; some just need time to heal.."


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

May I Have Your Attention Please!

Malling. Entering that huge building with a million stores inside and even more people, NOT my thing. Nevertheless, that is where I found myself the other day with my best friend Salena, along with my two kids. Michael and Mina act like they had just entered an amusement park because we are NEVER there. Salena however, would live there if she could do so without being detected.

Now we're there, browsing around. Salena mentions she would like to go look at bras, so it's off to women's apparel. She makes her selections, tried them on and decided that they are the lucky ones that will be going home with her. Mean while, I'm hangin' out with the kids trying to explaining all the frilly, froo-froo things that are hanging everywhere, to a seven year old BOY!

Salena decides, that I must have one of these frilly undergarments and heads off with Mina to find one, on the other side of the store. I'm with Michael, standing among bras that I just can't believe some women fill out. I swear, my family could live in a few of them.

Shortly after her disappearance I hear from across the store, "HEY VICK, YOU'RE A SIZE 34B.....RIGHT?" I'm standing there, with a women and her teenaged daughter next to me. I turned to them, with my mouth open, wide eyes and hands out as if to say "WHAT is she DOING?" I laughed and told them, "Not really something you want shouted from afar, huh?" They giggled. I didn't know where she was in the store, but I shouted back, "Salena, you may as well have said.....HEY VICK, YOU'RE SMALL, RIGHT?" Still standing next to my new underwear shopping friend, I turned to them and shrugged my shoulders saying, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em!" They were now wiping tears out of their eyes. I'll tell you, it's quite a warm feeling, knowing that you can cause such laughter with your bust size.

I left the store with nothing but the firm realization that numbers read no larger than those of a 14 year old girl, lol!

“You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better."


Sunday, April 23, 2006

Sunday Funnies

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and half." The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house!"

Friday, April 21, 2006


Warm, lazy days of Summer!
"If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable."
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Thursday, April 20, 2006

NOT, so refreshing!

"Mommy, I'm thirty"..... "Mommy, may I have something to drink?".... "Mommy, I'm hot!" All these, are statements that are heard throughout my house. I pour drinks and the times they are not finished, I put the remaining in fridge, because I KNOW they will be back.

Well, the kids have gotten into that habit now themselves. They put what they don't finish back in the fridge for a later time. I however, don't always keep up with what's in the cup or how long it's been in there. (I know, a bad, bad Mother) The other evening Michael came whipping in the kitchen, swings open the refrigerator door, grabs his cup and takes a big mouth full. I'm standing at the sink, and he looks at me with these wild eyes has he's headed in my direction. He bumps me out of the way and lets what's in his mouth pour out. I'm now laughing, because whatever he drank was obviously bad. He gets his head out of the sink and asks, "WHAT is in my milk?" I said....Hysterical of course, "Looks like a little cottage cheese to me." Poor kid, he was so grossed out and was sure to tell me so.

My last words..."Guest you won't do that again, huh?" Michaels last comment on the subject..."NO MA'AM!!"

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

-Woody Allen

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What's for lunch?

Sitting among four First grade classes in the cafeteria during lunch, is always eventful. However, not always in a bad way. While sitting between a group of students I hear to girls discussing their lunch. After much communication , Gracie turns to me and asks, "Ms. V. what is this made of?" She is pointing to her lunch tray. I'm thinking, "hm, I have no idea what the tray is made of, but I better come up with something and it should be somewhat intelligent. "Meanwhile, she was really asking what the chicken leg she had was made of. I told her, "well, when I was in school, the little legs they served like that where from baby dinosaurs." Her look in response to what I had just told her, said it all. I went on to explain that the CHICKEN leg she was eating, most likely was in fact a chicken leg.

As many things that have change since I was a student have lunch, there are still so many that are still the same.

"Chicken one day, feathers the next"


Monday, April 17, 2006

My Love/Hate Relationships

First, let me just say that hate is a very strong word for me. I very rarely use and actually hate very little. However, injustice, abuse, unfairness are a few things I would say I hated.

Since people do have these, I thought I'd use it for my such relationships.

Love: flip flops
Hate: dirty feet

Love: a bargain
Hate: shopping

Love: driving with my widows down
Hate: hearing only the wind

Love: the Fall season
Hate: bare trees

Love: smooth skin
Hate: shaving/waxing

Love: rainy days
Hate: wet shoes

Love: making up with Honey
Hate: fighting

Love: a pretty flower garden
Hate: weeding

Love: the beach
Hate: sand that hides

Love: wine
Hate: the cork

Love: watermelon
Hate: the seeds

Love: hot showers
Hate: foggy mirrors

Love: sitting by a bon fire
Hate: smelling like smoke

Love: body lotion
Hate: greasy

Love: well behaved kids
Hate: disciplining

So there you have it, the things that makes smile and frown at the same time.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Sunday Funnies

Clearly, we'll have to practice this kissing thing!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Lights Out

An early night. It's 10:00 pm with nothing left to do. I check the kids, kiss the Hubbs and head to bed to read for a bit. The peace, was OH so welcomed. However, it was short lived. It wasn't 20 minutes and in staggers Honey.

Not wanting to stop where I was, I asked, "Ah, Honey are you going to ask me to shut the light?" As he's falling into bed he says, "well, Baby ya know?" I laughed at all of his grace and said to him, "yes, I know lots of things, but right now I'd like to know if I have to shut the light." With his eyes already closed, he giggled and threw his arm over me. I'm thinking, "Great!"

Before I found my place again on the page and read three lines, he was in REM. Yay for me. And, one more thing I know, I'm NOT shutting the light!

Question: How can a man, fall asleep in the living room with the TV screaming, lights blaring and uncovered without a problem? Then, come to bed where it's warm and quite with the glow of a bedside lamp and have a problem.

Answer: It's not a problem, he just wants to be a pain in the foot!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Great Capture

"Mommy look, we found a baby frog." I heard come from the front of the house. My two hunters come flying in, requesting a container for their prisoner. (Mina already had a plastic drinking cup in her hand) I find a coffee can and they begin chasing the poor hopper around the yard. Finally, their new found friend is apprehended. Michael slams the top on the can and brings it to me in the kitchen.

I asked him to put it on the counter, while I'm grabbing a knife. Michaels eyes became saucers and yelled, "Oh NO Mommy, are you going to KILL him?" (What am I, a beast?) I assured him that I was not killing him, I was just putting air holes in the top.

Back outside, I heard the two of them talking about their new "pet." Mina, being the girl she is asked Michael, "what are we going to name him, Froggy?" Now, Michael being the boy HE is said, "NO, that's a dumb name!" I'm in the kitchen listening, lol. Mina's final response, "Well, YOU'RE just a stinky boy!"

I must say, I think they both have a little rightness about their statements! :)

“We think too small, like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view."

-Mao Tse-Tung

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Birds and the Bees 101

Question, after question, after question. That's Mina. Wants to know everything, right at the moment it passes through her mind. I never, ever mind answering her and do my very best to do so. However, I must admit it makes my palms sweat at times.

It could be anywhere from, why is the letter S crooked, to how I ever picked the best Daddy, to how something finds it's way out of the ground to grow.

The other evening I thought I would sneak away and take a long, hot shower, shave and just take my time. Near the end, I hear the bathroom door quietly open, then nothing else. I peak out to find Mina perched on the toilet with the lid down and her legs crossed, waiting. (NEVER a moments peace!) I just didn't have the heart to chase her out, there was cleary something on her mind. As I'm getting myself together, its....

Mina: "Mommy, is my body going to be like yours someday?"

Me: (Man, I was hoping it was going to be about the letter S again) "What, you mean like a train wreck?" lol

Mina: "No Mommy, big like you. You know, like on top."

Me: "OK, Mina first, Mommy is NOT big.....but yes, one day you will begin to develop" (she then lefts her jammies and asked me if she was developing yet?) GoodNESS!

Me: Drying my palms.

Mina: "I know when I was a tiny baby I lived in your belly."

Me: "Yes Baby, that's right"

Mina: "And, when I was born, I came out your belly button."

Me: (NOW, drying my forehead) "Yes, well, OK!" (it works for me) I'm SO thankful there hasn't been any inquiry has to HOW she got in there to begin with.

Mina: "When I was a tiny baby, did I like baby food?"

Me: (I see now, I should have chased her OUT!) "Well, when you were first born, Mommy breast fed you"

Mina; "WHAAAAAAT? You mean, I drank from THOSE?" (pointing at me)

Me: "Yes, a Mommy's body makes milk after they have a baby so they can feed them."

Mina: "Oh MAN!!" (laughing uncontrollably)

Me: "What's so funny?" (me giggling now)

Mina: "I can't believe I drank out of them."

Mina: "I'm telling you, a baby is NEVER drinking out of me like that!"

Me: "OK Honey, that's fine!"

Mina leaves the bathroom, still hysterical and I now perch myself of the toilet, exhausted!

As it stands now, Mina will have a baby growing in her belly, it's going to exit from her belly button and when it does, she'll be handing it a sippy cup and it's on it's own!

Ah, the wonder of young minds, WHEW!

"My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard."

- David Allen

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I Spy!

We picked up where we left off last week. Mrs. C. is teaching the second graders how use library resources to do research on a subject. Last week they started, the subject butterflies. The students were paired off and put to work. Today, they were to finish their research and hand it in.

Today I was sitting on the floor labeling AR books. While doing so, the two boys at the table nearest me where laughing, carrying on and just being too loud. I told them they needed to quiet down and get finished before Mrs. C. came to get their work.

The class in over, and all the students leave the library. Thank goodness, peace. Mrs. C. heads my way to help with the monumental task at hand, AR books and says "NO WAY!" Now, Mrs. C. is young. 33 years old, fun, lively, has great ideas, LOVES the kids and her job. She is not at ALL a prude or the librarian of my generation, lol. I asked her what was the matter and she just waved me in her direction. Pointing down at the table where Noah and Zack were sitting, my loud friends, the word F*** was gracing the table top.

Now, there were no other students that sat at this particular table before that class. I said, "I guess it's time to have a little chat with Zack, huh?" It was in front of the chair he was sitting in. He is brought in and questioned. Guess what? He didn't do it! Noah's turn. You aren't going to believe this, but he didn't do it either. Mrs. C. speaks to their teacher, Mrs. R. She comes in to examine the hand writing. Mrs. R. say's "Noah, it's Noah's hand question." He is brought back in, now, with both Mrs. C. and his teacher, Mrs. R.

I was in the room but far removed from the scene, still I had to laugh. After, repeatedly denying any involvement in the table top graphics, I heard Mrs. R. say, "That's fine. You can say you didn't do it, but when we watch the video tape, we are going to SEE that it's you." I died. Noah responds, "Well, if you see me, it's just someone who looks like me." Ok, now I had to leave the room.

I suspect, Noah caved shortly after returning to class.

Mrs. C. decided she was going to start telling the kids that she has a dwarf person hiding the A/C vent spying on them. That he will be reporting any and all inappropriate behavior to her at the end of each day.

My response, "brilliant!"

Monday, April 10, 2006

Tornados to Tulips

These vibrant, oh so colorful flowers have always been my favorite. Although they are very short lived, their incredible brightness always brings a smile to my face. As a kid I remember being mesmerized by them in my Mothers garden.

Friday, my home state endured terrible storms. Spending over an hour in tornado lock down at school, knowing the storms were headed in the direction of my husband and unable to location him for over two hours, makes for a very stress filled afternoon.

Honey, finally made it to me and the kids at school, so at least we are now together. The rest of the evening was spent glued to the TV, listening for instruction. Fortunately none came.

Sunday was an amazingly gorgeous day. The sun was shining, skies were blue and the tulips were smiling. As I stood in the kitchen, gazing out the window at my husband, with our two kids in the backyard together enjoying the day, I actually started to cry. I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with gratitude. The storm that struck our neighboring county and took lives was headed in our direction but some how went around us. My mind wondered to the families who had suffered losses and to the people whose lives had changed forever.

Just another reminder of how precious life is. How important it is to say the three little words that seem to be so difficult for so many. I know how blessed I am that my family is still intact and my heart and prayers go out to those whose aren't.

"Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion if we can simply learn that as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart."

-Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sunday Funnies

I'd love to hear this one....

Friday, April 07, 2006

Gun IT!!

Waiting patiently for traffic to clear, this is what I heard from my hot roddin', back seat drivin' son. I glance in the rearview mirror to find his face pressed against the window watching traffic, helping me decide when to pull out. Here are his great words of wisdom...

Michael: "GUN it, Mommy!"

Me: "What gun it, where to you want me to go?"

Michael: "Yeah, gun it out and beat that guy coming."

Me: "Are you kidding me....we'll get whacked!" (Gun it OUT? oh man)

Michael: "Giggle....Na Uh!!"

I finally get out and start heading to our finally destination....Scouts. We are in traffic, although not heavy...still traffic just the same. My back seat hot rodder continues.....

Michael: "Come on Mommy, gun it, ONE time."

Me: "What is wrong with you, ya nut....don't you see the cars in front of us?"

Michael: "Ok, at the light there, where we make a right....then do it."

Me: "I can't on a turn, it's dangerous."

Michael: "Well, straighten out and then do it."

I'm about at my wits end with the gunning it thing. So, what do I do...I gun it, ONCE. Just to end the madness. Well, he found it quite funny and....AGAIN.

Michael: "One more time Mommy, please!"

Me: "No Michael I can't, there are always cops hangin' out on this road."

Michael: "So, what will happen?"

Me: "They'll stop us and give me a ticket."

Michael: "A where, the CIRCUS?"

Me: Hysterical!!

I couldn't carry the conversation any further. Once I got myself together, I did explain I would get a ticket for speeding that I would have to pay. He got it. "Oh, like the people we see on the sides of the road with the police?" "EXACTLY!!" (I do however, think they should start the circus thing)

I swear, if it were tickets to the circus they were issuing, in my younger days I would have been spending a lot more time under the "Big Top" NOT in court.

“Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away."

-Ben Hecht

Thursday, April 06, 2006

HNT #22

I know my guy....

...has got my back!
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Sunday Funnies Make-up Post

After a long night of making passionate love the guy rolls over and is lookingaround, when he notices a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed. Naturally, he began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he said, hoping to be reassured."

No, no, no!!!" she said.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."

*Tell me THAT dude didn't run out of the house screaming. Then years in therapy! :):)

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Man, you SUCK!

Those were the warm and encouraging words, I heard shouted by a father to his eight year old son while playing frisbee. I was chasing my own frisbee that got away and looked up to see who exactly it was that sucked. It was a sweet young man that I knew quite well from school. This kid is kind, well spoken, generous and extremely polite and I couldn't believe his father would say such a thing.

Apparently, Jimmy was having trouble flipping his wrist when releasing the frisbee causing it to fly wildly. After it was thrown his father shouts, "Man, you SUCK!" I mean really, he told him at least twice how to do it and showed him once....surely he should have it by now. Again, I was tearing across the field after my frisbee that was flying out of control and heard Jimmy say, "I DO suck!" I was SO upset that I shouted back, "Jimmy, you don't suck you just need a little practice....we all have to practice at thing we want to get better at!" I was staring right at is father as I told him to, "stay at it, you'll get there."

What I really wanted to do was walk straight up to him and tell him that HE was the only one that SUCKED!

Why do some fathers take such pleasure in beating their sons into the ground?

"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success."

-Author Unknown

Monday, April 03, 2006

Tomboy Mommy!!

Yes, that would be me. This weekend Michael had a campout with his scouting buddies and their families. Honey was sick and wasn't going to be able to come, so the kids thought we would have to scrap the whole weekend. I was thinking, "Heck NO!" We had all been looking so forward to the weekend I wasn't going to let it slip away. So, I shopped, packed the kids, cooler and camping gear and was ready to go. (Not that I wouldn't have done all that anyway even if Daddy was coming) Honey felt badly and offered to come help get the tent up. I said it wasn't necessary but he insisted, so he did. Then left.

After our little 6 man house was erected, I set up camp. Inflated our mattresses (I'm not roughing it all the way, please) made our beds, set out our chairs and table, and hung our lanterns. Done.

Then it was off to play. I trekked boys to the pier to fish were I was rigging poles, baited hooks, we played wuffle ball, frisbee, tag and dodgeball. In the evening we grilled burgers and dogs and after dark in was bon fire time. Yes, time to roast marshmallows and build s'mores. It was shortly after that, time to hit the bags. I mean, the kids could barely stand up, lol. This time we were near the bath house.....thank goodness. We washed down, dried up, brushed and headed back to our nylon dwelling. On the way back to our tent, Michael said, "Mommy, I love that you are a tomboy!" I giggled and before I could saying anything, Mina squeezed me around the neck (she was getting a piggy back ride) and said, "Me TOO!" We all laughed our way back and I admitted that I too, was pretty happy about that fact.

A picture from the pier, after dogs and before s'mores

I tucked in my two very tired, but very happy little campers and I squeezed in my bag right between them. I folded my pillow in half, propped up my lantern light and read for an hour or so, sandwiched there by my two babies. What a perfect end to a busy day.

We did miss Daddy, but I have to say, a fabulous time was had by all.

Now, I'm quite sure my eyes are going to start bleeding any minute if I don't go close them.

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