Sunday, September 24, 2006

Sunday Funnies


Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

There is only one TV between them and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-year old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me".

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mommy!

Good luck men!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Ever wonder....

....what may be waiting on the other side?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sunday Funnies


Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............


"We're down here ..."

Friday, September 15, 2006

A Photo For Friday

"I believe the children are our future......."

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Last week Michael made it very clear he has an enormous crush on Ms. Herron, a third grade teacher. He sat one afternoon describing her to me and explaining just how nice looking he thought she was. I told him I thought he had a bit of a crush on Ms. Herron. His response was, "yeah, I think so Mommy." All of this is seemingly innocent, except for the fact his sister heard the whole conversation.

Yesterday afternoon in the library while wrapping up a couple of things, I had the kids come in and wait for me. While there, who walks in but Ms. Herron. Michaels eyes were saucers and just glued to her. Mina was totally checking out her outfit. I look at Michael, catch his eye and point in Ms. Herrons direction. He looks at me with a pink little face and mouths...."Mommy, I know!"

The moment was just about over and she was nearly out of the room when Mina pipes up, "Ms. Herron?" She turns and says, "Yes sweetie?" Mina opens her mouth and comes out with, "You know my brother has a big crush one you!" Naturally, she giggled and thought it was very sweet, while Michael was a deeper shade of pink...ok, well red and chanting his sisters name through his teeth. "Mina, Miiiiina, MINA!!!"

So my dear son has experienced his very first, of I'm sure many truly embarrassing moments.

Monday, September 11, 2006

From A Friend

My oldest and dearest friend sent this little post card to me, along with a small gift. Now, although I love the gift, if she had only sent this bit of paper, it would have been enough. I believe what it says to be very true and I hope you will be as fortunate as I have been in being singled out.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Sunday Funnies on Wednesday

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband,"It is three o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife."

Just some drunken guy asking for a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!"

His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told (of course), gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello? Are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk.

Friday, September 01, 2006


Ok, can somebody please tell me who we are talking about? If you were standing in my kitchen yesterday afternoon, this is what you would have heard...

Mina: "Mommy, who was that girl?"

Me: "What girl Honey?"

Mina: "You know, the girl with the brother."

Michael: "There are lots of those kinds of girls at school."

Mina: "No, not at school."

Michael: "Who are you talking about? My friend Jack has a sister."

Me: "Yeah Mina, who are you talking about?"

Mina: "Man, the girl with the light brown skin, remember?"

Me: "Ok! No , I don't remember."

Mina: "Mommy, come ON! You know, the girl with the couch hair!"

Me & Michael: "COUCH hair?!"

Michael: "OH! You mean LJ's little sister. My friend from basketball."

Mina: "YEAH, that's her.....Maleeya!"

Me: "Yes, that was her name. What about her?"

Mina: "Oh nothing, just askin'."

Michael: "OMGosh Mina, what was that?!"

I'm sort of with Michael on this one. All that, and for no particular reason. I did have to inquire about the couch hair though, and her explanation was, "It's just so big and all over the place." Now granted, that is true. But I don't ever recall seeing a couch that looked the same, and if I had, I'm certain I wouldn't be sitting on it!

*I must say, I was very impressed that Michael knew just who Mina was talking about with only her two word description, "couch hair!"

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