Thursday, September 22, 2005

Things that are NOT illegal but should be...

Laws, rules, boundaries. They are every where and we all have to obey them, follow them and work within them. Even when it's unpleasant or we don't understand, they are there, in place and we are expected to comply. How issues become laws I have no idea. Not only did I sleep in Psychology class I apparently sacked out in American Government class too.

It's a very good thing however that I am not in a position to make or changes laws. I feel quite certain that there would be some changes made and made quickly!

Here are just a few things that would be presented ASAP...

It should be illegal to:

- not have email. It's 2005 people and technology is and has been on the rise, lets get with it.
- grill a steak until it could sole a shoe. THAT is just a crime.
- be a telemarketer. You are just aggravating pains in the asses and NOBODY wants what you are selling.
- not say I love you at least three times a day. You never know when you will have another chance.
- have men wear spandex or speedos. I have no interest in seeing a perfect strangers package. Now, if I know them, well that's a different story, lol!
- not have a cell phone. I want to talk to you and I want to talk to you NOW!
- give birth without medication. No medication equals counseling if you ask me.
- send junk mail. Needless killing of trees. Forget recycling just stop the junk mail, that in it's self would save our forests.
- not say please, thank you and bless you. It's just rude!
- go braless. If the girls are not standing in full salute 24/7 they need to be harnessed.
- wear a bad toupee. Actually to wear a toupee period. YOU'RE bald, deal with it.
- have an ant farm. That is just self explanatory.
- wear socks with flip flops. I mean please. Besides looking utterly ridiculous it has GOT to be the most uncomfortable thing EVER.
- not read to your kids, daily. 15 minutes guys that should be the minimum, it's easy.
- marry before you are 25 years old. You should know yourself by then.
- pick your nose in public. Yes, your car is still "in public" because we SEE YOU!
- call someone's house before 9a on the weekend. It's sleep in time folks.
- have a guy have his butt crack hangin' out. Unless of course he is advertising that he has a free bicycle parking spot, no lock required.
- use all the hot water in a shower and NOT say so. The only time I want to be taking a cold shower is when honey is out of town.
- not have the bikini line waxed, plucked or shaved. It is completely unacceptable to have to witness the wilds of someone else's untamed jungle. Blahhhh!

I feel very compelled to share my very first personal experience with spandex. I don't know why, I just do. After my initial encounter with honey that warm August evening back in 1990 in the local bar tucked in the woods (hm, Mom you DID know I met him in a bar didn't you? Well you do now!!) he asked me for an official date. It was to be a day at the lake on his bass boat for some sun and fun. I agreed to go ONLY if I could bring my friend. I mean far be it for me to venture out in a boat on a large body of water with a guy that I met two nights ago in a less then sober state. Granted he was a fabulous kisser still I couldn't risk it. We meet at the designated place, me with my friend and him with his. I must say my girlfriend Salena was terribly disappointed. He gets out of the truck and there he is, my good God almighty in his SPANDEX! I thought I would just die. I remember telling Salena, "what the hell is he thinking?" OK, we were going to the lake but for crap sake wear a pair of wind-jammers or something. I said right then and there "this is our first and LAST date." Needless to say he won me over with his quick wit, incredible charm and yes his kissing ability. However, he was instructed to never NOT ever wear those horrific black, stretchable, shiny things again. A couple of years later I came across them tucked in a drawer and remembered the day, lol! I have long since burned them at the stake and stood there shaking my head and wondering why, why WHY?!

"Even when laws have been written down, they ought now always remain unaltered."

- Aristotle


Blogger The Daily Rant said...

I'm SO with you on the email - how long did I bug YOU to get it? Now I love that I can email you and tell you my thoughts. Ditto on the cell phone. I want to talk to you and I want to talk NOW. But you left out text messaging. OMG...where would WE be without text messaging?

Braless - Hey, I don't mind if you have perky boobs, but if your boobs look like two fat flounders under your t-shirt - PUT. A. BRA. ON.

Socks with flip flops. I will agree with you on that. But the shocking thing you don't know......I have done that!!

And as for Spandex....OH. MY. GOD. Again, I agree 100%. I didn't remember that on our date with Honey, but now that you bring it up, I'm sitting here cracking up. Ed wanted to know what was so funny.

I don't know which was worse that day....the Spandex or our T-shirt episode.


1. I Love You
2. I Love You
3. I Love You

11:14 PM  
Blogger momyblogR said...

The spandex was worse by far. However, I'm still sore about T-shirt episode, I lost...remember? Then again I never had a chance in h*@# and still don't. LOL!!

5:22 AM  
Blogger momyblogR said...

Oh and Ranter, I love you
I love you
I love you too!

5:25 AM  
Blogger cubmommy said...

That is so funny. Spandex should be illegal.

5:34 AM  
Anonymous MOM said...

Yes I did know that you met honey at a bar. That's where you spent most of your time in those days, but just look at you now. If I didn't know then I surely know now"GOD IS ALIVE." and HE STILL answeres prayer.

5:37 AM  
Blogger momma of 2 said...

Love the list - it's right in so many ways.....

6:07 AM  
Blogger vani said...

LOL- i agree with all these! and your forgot one that you mentioned in your last post i believe...about people wearing clothes 2 sizes too small- we don't care to see blubber or other body parts hanging out!!! and i guess i have to be thankful, even with all the characters i see here in NYC- i haven't seen the whole spandex thing in a long time, hope i'm not jinxing myself. :)

6:50 AM  
Blogger Aisha said...

LOL!!!! :) love the list. My dad wont take his cell phone anywhere and it drives me nuts! I got married at 21... man I look at people as old as I was and I can't believe I was so young.. my friend planned to give birth without meds until she had her first contraction and then she got the shot right away:)

8:08 PM  
Blogger Little Miss said...

sorry, but this mama LIVES for going braless! (much to my husband's disapproval, especially when we have guests over!) LOL

oh, and I gave birth w/out meds twice (and no, I still haven't learned my lesson!)

8:18 PM  
Blogger momyblogR said...

WOW! You are quite the woman, my hat is off to you. Me NEVER got the shot both times. LOL!

8:31 PM  
Anonymous Beth said...

How about even worse, having email and not ever using it????

11:21 AM  

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