Questions that are just dumb!

After 16 years I'm not any closer to understanding why my husband asks such, well.....stupid questions. Such as.....

- Are we out of milk?
No, I thought I'd start keeping it in the kids closet for a change. You might want to check in there.

- Is this mine?
I've prepared a meal, fixed a plate and placed it on the table were you sit. It's really for the man I've been seeing but he can't make it tonight so help yourself.

- Did you buy this?
No, I've spent the last three days planning my big salad dressing in a spray bottle heist at the supermarket.

- Did you pick up the kids?
-Nah, I thought I'd let them hitch hike home from school today. It will be a good experience for them.

- Where are you?
OK, think way back....15 seconds ago of what number you dialed. Where am I? I'm HOME!

- Have you seen my blah, blah, blah?
Baby, I've seen everything you've got. It doesn't mean I have any idea where it is.

- What time is it in there?
OK, our living room and kitchen are not in different time zones. It's exactly the same time if you would just turn your head a fraction to the RIGHT!!

- Where are the kids?
Well, it's 9:15 on a Wednesday. That's right! David called, his parents are out of town, so they're over there partying.

- Are you watching this?
Hm! I'm sitting on the sofa, staring at the square box that has moving people on it and dialogue, telling a story. Nooooo, I'm not watching THAT!!

- Do you have your keys with you?
Lets see. I've just pulled into the driveway, got out of the vehicle and am heading for the house. No. I left them inside, my finger also works well in the ignition.

OK, now don't mistake this as a lack of love for my weirdo. I love him very much but what is that? UGH!!