Cookie Dust

It's party time. Time for lots of goodies and some not so goodies for the kiddies at school. Thank the Almighty, I'm not responsible for anymore in Mina's class, whew! I was however, in charge of the liquid sugar beverage and sugar patties (cookies) for the gala this morning in her class.

Just because I'm SO on top of things, I head off to the supermarket this morning, after leaving the kids at school. But really, how early can you do the cookie thing? Anyway, I whip in and head to the bakery. Because I've shopped there for the last 10 years, I pretty much know at least one person per department. I see Miss Brenda and explain my need. She so kindly points me in the right direction. There weren't any trays made up, so I selected several different varieties and thought I'd make my own. Miss Brenda slips me a tray with a top and I made my cookie tray right there on top of the pies. Oh, how purdy, but the center was still empty and I needed something small with a bit of color. Good, over there was one lone package of cookies, perfect for what I needed. The only thing was, at least 1/3 of them were actually cookie dust. I thought, "well, I don't need all of them, I'll just use the ones that are still in one piece." I open the package, fill my center spot, thank Miss Brenda for her help and head to the my favorite cashier, Kenny.

Now. I'm thinking on the way to the register, "I wonder if they'll give me a break on the cookies?" OK. I've OPENED them, so it's ridiculously obvious that I am going to be buying these things. But I ask anyway, just to see what they say. Kenny says, "heck I'd give them to you." But, he had to ask the chief baker, who I've decided is a J.E.R.K. He shows up at the register, looking all macho in his hair net and plastic gloves and asks, "what the problem?" I very kindly told him there was no problem, I just want to know what was up with the cookies. I told him I wanted a deal on the cookie dust. He looks at the package and asked me what was wrong with them. OK, NOW. I'm GETTING a deal on the cookies, moron. You mean to tell me you have to ask what is wrong with them? Do you want me to dump the remaining cookies right here for you to get a better look at what"s wrong with them? He looks annoyed but I don't care now, he's an idiot and I'm going to bust his chops. He tells me, "just get another package." Are you retarded? Do you NOT think, if there was another package I wouldn't have gotten it? That I wouldn't have left the bird feed there for some other ill prepared parent? Well, he looks at me, all the while my friend Kenny is rolling his eyes. I'm looking dead in his eyes with my brows raised and a look of "I'm waiting" on my face. Finally he tells me, "I'll take off two dollars off, that is the best I can do." I started laughing at him as I told him that I was completely prepared to pay full price for them, I've already disassembled the package. Do you NOT see that. I just can believe you would give me such a hard time about it. Needless to say, he was totally frustrated when he left while Kenny and I had a good laugh. I mean really, tis the season, right?

It was a bit on the not so nice side, which is really not at all like me. I was feeling a little smart mouthed this morning and the moronic baker got it.


"The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does."

- Bill Vaughan